Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Fabulous

With her red shoes on and oh so dangerous three zipper mini she momentarily owns the sidewalk. Shimmering, glittering and moving to her own beat. Everybody stares and some with disdain. They can't understand her style. Amazing how some adore while others scorn but that is the way of the world. But she knows herself well and never fakes it, which sets her apart from the others. Hair flowing high as the wind hits her hard and sends her skirt flying up towards the sky. With a roaring laughter and a nonchalance for all the chuckles made at her expense, she quickly holds her skirt down. And because she is lost in laughter she trips in her ghetto gold high heel that she bought just for a random sunny day and because it was something she would never naturally wear. Tripping in a crevice --she is not embarassed because this is who she is. She is a klutz, a walking disaster, sometimes kooky but always laughing at her flaws and walking it off. Fabulous. Simply fabulous.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Midsummer's Night

It's a scent, a feeling, an emotion, a shiver down my spine. It is so powerful that even on a midwinter's night, I can feel it's warmth and presence. It keeps the harsh winds of January away from my soul and wraps me tightly in robes of silk. It is nostalgia as everpresent as the beating of my heart and it walks me through life day after day. We are one and we can change our pasts through the memory that we posses. A midsummer's night taught me that once as I reached for the stars, running through a corn field. Laughing, screaming and whirling like a dervish in sheer ecstasy. It was a midsummer's night that my memory has carved to perfection. Perhaps in that moment it wasn't as it seems to me now but it was real even if it was short lived. We were the night and we became alive in the darkness and unclarity. Those were the moments of obscurity in which our madness and uproar carried us to a place of nonchalance and stillness. It was all those things and yet none at all! We were but we weren't. We are but we never actually were. This is the way the mind forgets but also the way that it has the opportunity to remember.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Where's the cheese?

A friend of mine (who also happens to be a wonderful guy) has just recently proposed to the girl of his dreams. I am so happy for them. What's even odder than me being happy for a soon to be married couple is that I actually found joy in the cheesiness of the proposal. I'm not much of a girly girl but somehow the idea of someone loving another person THAT much is amazing to me.

So now I wonder if all the cheese in the world has been removed, used and now all the resources are dried up? Is there any more cheese left for the rest of us? If so, where's the cheese?! Show me the CHEESE!

I do think that there must be a distinction between too much cheese and too little. Too much of a good thing is always bad and can cause digestion problems. ;-) I personally don't like it when a man is so cheesy that he forgets who he is and decides to become a boring mass of submissiveness. I like people with opinions not people with only MY opinion. In matters of the heart, a man should be himself and stick to his ideals because it is sexy. He should be intelligent and ready to engage in stimulating conversations. But he should never be cold. There should be a tender side to him that lets you know that at any given moment in the day, he is thinking of you. He should plan romantic getaways or even random gifts with sentimental value. Men always think that women only want diamonds and expensive toys. The reality is that a woman will appreciate a single wildflower, a thoughtful note or a candlelight dinner. Even the most cynical woman (myself) appreciates the occasional thoughtful romantic act.

My dear engaged friend proposed to his beloved in a way that was special to the both of them. He put thought behind it and meant it. This is rare nowadays. We live in a cold and cynical age. Romance is either dead or entirely too Hollywood. Men have lost their creativity and they either stick to you like a tick or bounce right off you like a rubber ball.

Where's the balance?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Never here

One day you won't find me here. I'll be changed again and gone.
One day everything you thought you knew about me will be a dream and I will disappear.
One day when the day is ripe, I will no longer call for you.
The tone of my voice and the glint of my eye I will submit to be anywhere but here.
An alias I'll take and a trip later, I will be lost in a sea of stifling humanity.
One day I will realize that a day, a week and even a year will go by and you never knew that I was even here.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Sunday paper

I want to wake up in a king sized bed. I want to lay in the middle of it while in the arms of the man I love. I want to feel his heat and hear his gentle breath. I want to be lazy and wear my pajamas all day and watch movies while we make each other laugh. I want someone to stroke my hair and I want to stare into his eyes while he rests his head upon my lap. I want to share those blissful moments in seclusion where there are no other eyes to see. I want to share monologues and forbidden secrets while cloaked in candlelight. I want to hide away on a loft and listen to the rain. I want to whisper, but only his name. I want him to sense me even when he is not near and I want him to think of me when a familiar song comes on the radio.

Reading the Sunday paper, breakfast in bed.
Walking naked in the daylight and not accepting any calls.
I want to be delirious.
I want to be unrestrained.
I want to be.
I want to be.

But only sometimes... only sometimes...

Friday, January 06, 2006

"We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves"

Goethe (the astounding writer) stated it well and as some have pointed out in the past, love can make even the most intelligent go blind. Indeed, love can be deceiving. However, it is not in the character of love to be deceiving, it is in the character of the one who loves to deceive. When one looks upon their lover with love, they do not see inherent flaws. Furthermore, those flaws are often looked upon with compassion and with the eyes of a lover. In the Persian language, there is a saying:

"Chesmet ghashang mibineh"

This roughtly translates to, your eyes see beautifully. The correlation between this phrase and that of the lovers perspective is impeccable! There is a 100% match with regards to what I am trying to divulge here. The world may see the beloved with a critical eye and with no emotional attachment but the lover will only see the beloved with the altered perception that love creates. This is why love can be frightful and rather dangerous if not handled properly.

I must admit, as I wrote the last line before this one, I realized that there is a contradiction afoot! When one loves, they love entirely and without restraint. In fact, those who enter love with trepidation will never know TRUE love and all that it can behold. Therefore, my conclusion here is that it is absolutely amazing to love and be loved. It is one of the most powerful emotions that human beings possess. But one must know themselves well and know what it is that they want for their future before they fall. We can't always control when or with whom we will fall in love with but it is important not to forget who we are in the process. This is so that if we fall out of love we can pick up where we left off before the beloved came along.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

AND....

My favorite sentences start with AND. As a writer and student who writes approximately 5-10 papers a month I know that it is not an appropriate word to begin sentences with. You know what though? This is the BLOG LAMA'S blog and I suppose I can be as incorrect and unconventional as I so desire. Hey, in the real world, we have to watch our backs and maintain conservative appearances. In this world, I am ME. :p

So here is a AND rant....

And you stood in the dead of winter among the decayed leaves.
And above your head the moon washed over you like an all encompassing heaven.
And all I could hear was the feverish pulsing in my head.
And you looked at me and shrugged with a crease on your brow.
And it was then that I understood that even running through the thickets, all bloodied and bruised, I would never find the path to you.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Silent Contempt

Slammed shut and a lifetime of contentment to be found. Silent contempt with screams of black and white. Nothing in color, certainly not now, but the rainbow is around the corner with luxurious gifts promised. There will no longer be pity or sorrow for there is no one there to hear it. The year will come and go as do all the rest but this time it will hold with it the knowledge of possibility. The possibility to love and to know what is in ones soul. But not just to know but to truly feel it and taste it. It is there.

While others bask in their own worries, we are awakened to the reality that we are alone in our sorrow and glory. In the end it is only me. And ..... that's not really that sad. :)