Electricity

He aroused a painful love in me. We were utterly devoted. There was no threat of lies or any discomfort in submitting to absolute trust. His love caught me by sheer surprise. I remember that well before I outwardly expressed my love, I would scream it repeatedly inside my head at the sight of him. It started as a blissful romance. Adoration is a dangerous thing.

Candlelight was ours. He made me feel wild, ecstatic and crazy. I felt torn, confused and devastated every time he would leave my embrace and walk towards his terminal at the airport. Tears would burst from my eyes and roll uncontrollably off my face as though I was being left alone forever. This aching scorched my veins. The heat rolling, churning throughout my body looking for somewhere to be. It would take days for me to recover from the intensity of his heart beating along with mine.

Hiding in the loft from dusk until dawn. Hiding under thick blankets, shunning the sinful light of day that ripped us apart daily. The hours were precious, electricity, zoned out and away with a blink of an eye. That was our world and no one understood it. Reality was jolting. What is reality? The reality we created was one that words can never truly interpret. Young and unfettered. Explain what can and cannot be to me when I am with him and I will argue until I am unconscious from fatigue.

My Chaos

I'm tired of loving him. It is a pain, a yearning, a disgust, an addiction, a tear, a shock to the system, a profound sadness. It is anger. It is my fear because he was my chaos and now he is gone. I am conventional. The fire has died and I am the ravaged ember, barely solid. I had the sort of rapture that people dream about. It was in my full embrace and something so bittersweet was the cause of my demise. Nothing that good can last. Nothing. It's all hidden deep inside of me now. It shall never resurface again. My sweet surprise, my bitter demise.