Friday, September 01, 2006

I was built for something more

Ever since I was 15 years old and I learned to analyze things for myself; I have felt that something has been missing from my existence. Now, nearly a decade later and I am still a confused child. It is true that I have grown and changed in my views, clothes and lifestyle but how is it that this one feeling has never flown away? Could it be that I am not as original as I think I am? Could it be that everyone has this feeling once in a while (or perhaps their entire lives) but it is pushed aside because of the troubles of life? Some would say that i am tired, experiencing seasonal depression, whining, moody or just plain bored. Maybe they are all right.

I want it all. I want to be alone but not alone. I want to be successful and yet lay around doing absurd things. I want to be romanced but I don't want to be suffocated. I want to be free and yet feel secure. I want a companion and sometimes I just don't. I want to cry happy tears on my own without having to explain them. I want to cry sad tears without having to explain them. I want to make a name for myself and yet I want to seize the day. I want to give my family everything and yet I want to be selfish.

So what does this leave me with? Who am I...what do I want...

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