Electricity

He aroused a painful love in me. We were utterly devoted. There was no threat of lies or any discomfort in submitting to absolute trust. His love caught me by sheer surprise. I remember that well before I outwardly expressed my love, I would scream it repeatedly inside my head at the sight of him. It started as a blissful romance. Adoration is a dangerous thing.

Candlelight was ours. He made me feel wild, ecstatic and crazy. I felt torn, confused and devastated every time he would leave my embrace and walk towards his terminal at the airport. Tears would burst from my eyes and roll uncontrollably off my face as though I was being left alone forever. This aching scorched my veins. The heat rolling, churning throughout my body looking for somewhere to be. It would take days for me to recover from the intensity of his heart beating along with mine.

Hiding in the loft from dusk until dawn. Hiding under thick blankets, shunning the sinful light of day that ripped us apart daily. The hours were precious, electricity, zoned out and away with a blink of an eye. That was our world and no one understood it. Reality was jolting. What is reality? The reality we created was one that words can never truly interpret. Young and unfettered. Explain what can and cannot be to me when I am with him and I will argue until I am unconscious from fatigue.

My Chaos

I'm tired of loving him. It is a pain, a yearning, a disgust, an addiction, a tear, a shock to the system, a profound sadness. It is anger. It is my fear because he was my chaos and now he is gone. I am conventional. The fire has died and I am the ravaged ember, barely solid. I had the sort of rapture that people dream about. It was in my full embrace and something so bittersweet was the cause of my demise. Nothing that good can last. Nothing. It's all hidden deep inside of me now. It shall never resurface again. My sweet surprise, my bitter demise.

Goody Goody's

I'm tired of smiling and acting as though the worthless and boring comments by certain individuals are worth my time. I am a person that ponders deeper things while these people are worried about being five seconds late to class. It reaches a point of absurdity when the main topic of conversation is the fear of appearing less virginal if one chooses to kiss "a boy" or hold hands. Aren't we all in our twenties now? We are no longer giggling teenagers.

Further, why act all holier than thou anyway? Who are you trying to satisfy? Clearly you are lacking in character or in substance and that is why you must fill your head with worry of what these other idiots think of you. Ridiculous! Get over it.

Finally, I have never been an advocate for organized religion. I don't have a problem with it as I do pick and choose important practices from different texts and traditions. Practice it if you wish but keep your mind open. It's worthless when you start comparing your God to my God to his God. It's a form of supremacy. Human beings are extremely flawed and we always want to try to put ourselves up on some sort of pedestal. Why can't we admit that all of these religions are created to ease our pain in this life and to ensure our morality? You are no better because you are Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, etc.