Electricity

He aroused a painful love in me. We were utterly devoted. There was no threat of lies or any discomfort in submitting to absolute trust. His love caught me by sheer surprise. I remember that well before I outwardly expressed my love, I would scream it repeatedly inside my head at the sight of him. It started as a blissful romance. Adoration is a dangerous thing.

Candlelight was ours. He made me feel wild, ecstatic and crazy. I felt torn, confused and devastated every time he would leave my embrace and walk towards his terminal at the airport. Tears would burst from my eyes and roll uncontrollably off my face as though I was being left alone forever. This aching scorched my veins. The heat rolling, churning throughout my body looking for somewhere to be. It would take days for me to recover from the intensity of his heart beating along with mine.

Hiding in the loft from dusk until dawn. Hiding under thick blankets, shunning the sinful light of day that ripped us apart daily. The hours were precious, electricity, zoned out and away with a blink of an eye. That was our world and no one understood it. Reality was jolting. What is reality? The reality we created was one that words can never truly interpret. Young and unfettered. Explain what can and cannot be to me when I am with him and I will argue until I am unconscious from fatigue.

My Chaos

I'm tired of loving him. It is a pain, a yearning, a disgust, an addiction, a tear, a shock to the system, a profound sadness. It is anger. It is my fear because he was my chaos and now he is gone. I am conventional. The fire has died and I am the ravaged ember, barely solid. I had the sort of rapture that people dream about. It was in my full embrace and something so bittersweet was the cause of my demise. Nothing that good can last. Nothing. It's all hidden deep inside of me now. It shall never resurface again. My sweet surprise, my bitter demise.

Hypocrisy

Everyone wears a mask. Masks are just like clothing and are distinguished based on the occasion that one is preparing for. It's so much easier to hide behind a mask rather than face the truth about yourself; you are naked and alone. Life's problems deflect off of your mask. Now, let's discuss a few masks that I have seen floating around.

1) The virgin mask. You like to trump your purity to the world and you will defend it to the end. You always smile and giggle. You want everyone to know that you are little miss perfect. Nothing scathes you and nothing can disturb your perfect calm. However, you are jaded and you are bitter. There is a part of you that is vindictive and you attribute it to wanting to be the best. The truth is that you are vicious and love flaunting yourself to your peers so as to lift your shattered self esteem and to make others around you uncomfortable with themselves. Shame!

2) The ruthless bitch mask. You are more obvious about your intentions. You love competition and you thrive on being better than others. You loathe anyone who comes close to your level of success and will do whatever you can to bad mouth them. The technique most often utilized is that of ruthlessly pitting people against one another. You do the dirty work in private but let others take the blame. You would be great in politics because all you care about is yourself and will stomp anyone who gets in your way.

3) The Don Juan mask. You think you are the hottest person alive. You hit on others in a sly manner, which consists of put downs and praise. You are a walking oxymoron. You don't even know who you are but you are willing to be whoever you have to be in order to "get some". But even when you do, you are only temporarily satisfied. You want everyone to look at you as a slick person with good fashion and looks. The goal is to create a facade because you are unable to figure out what you want to get out of your life that is based on the expressions and views others have of you. The hard part for you is letting go of the idea that you are not gorgeous or hot and that you indeed have no personality. Get over it!